I suck at this

Seriously, I suck at this and shouldn’t ever be left alone / to my own devices. Watch the video for why. Don’t forget to share with a friend (or non-friend, sharing is caring) and subscribe while you are there. #withcaptions as always.

I am not your sweetheart

It should come at no surprise that online dating is a fairly terrible experience. Here are some openers to conversations that I have received to which I will not respond. There are a lot of reasons I don’t respond and many have to do with the profile or the individual but these are ones that have at least something to do with the message.

“What’s up sweetheart”

my name is in my profile. I am not your sweetheart. Either use my name or don’t attach anything. Also where did the punctuation go?

“Hello pretty lady!!
Would you like to talk sometime”

“Hi how are you? You look cute!”

“I like nerdy girls! I’m a huge nerd.”

“Lol. I like your profile. Yes I have pics. I live in the south city area. Work for a insurance company. Live by myself no kids. And have a dog. What part of [city name removed] are you?”

1 – just put a picture. This comment suggests something sketchy going on. 2 – I don’t care where you live. 3 – grammar. 4 – don’t ask me where I live

“Meet me”

no

“I’m really interested in getting to know you after reading your profile.”

why?

“Hey! I just want to say that I didn’t bother filling out any of the information on here correctly. I am new to this and wanted to see what it is all about before I got serious with this. But my name is rick, get to know me!”

so you don’t care enough to bother trying but are insisting on me communicating with you and showing you that it is worth it?

“Hi there. I noticed you had a tattoo! What’s the tattoo of?”

“Very nice pictures of yourself and a well written bioway, which I did read all of by the way”

“My name is cody a little about myself. Easy going , nerdy, not too seriously about myself, and like people with sense of humor. Have my own small business making pottery and it is up and running. Im very happy to say.

Maybe tell me a little about what you like to do in your free time. Finally someone who’s not pretending the hobbit was good it was so bad.”

grammar damn it

“You are very cute. :-)”

“Hey I’m Chris. Just wanted to see if you’d like to get to know someone new?”

“Hey there what’s up how are you doing today? Have a good thanksgiving?”

“I noticed your smile. And that tattoo”

um…ok?

“So when was your last fun time out? Tell me about yourself as in surprise me on a few fun things such as if you have/prefer to travel over say running from the police (joke I hope)? I love to travel when time/money permits me to.”

“come on i wont bite lol how can i get you to share a few fun things about yourself then lol like a few of your dreams or passions in life then ? Yes read it, love nerd things to.”

same guy as the one above it…

“Hey darlin, how are you?”

“Morning gorgeous”

“I’m guessing you hear this a lot, but you look like Elizabeth Moss’ doppleganger. 🙂 I just had to tell you, even if it’s bad form to mention looks to someone on a dating website.”

I had to look up who that was. I don’t look like her. Also not sure if this is meant as a compliment or not but it doesn’t much matter as there is no response to this.

“Hey cutie! (: how are you?”

“Nice profile, you are a pretty….everything:) anyways, I would love to get to know you:) xoxo’s”

creeper

“Wow.. Super beautiful . How are you doing? Any chance for this European expat to meet you up?”

no

“Hey, how has your week been? I can’t believe this week is Thanksgiving. You have big plans for the week?”

three sentences, three times he said the word “week”

“Hi there, how’s weekend going?”

“Hey how are u? I was hoping we could could more and get to know each other better :)”

“Good morning. I’m Alan. How are you? You sound amazing. I was most intrigued that you don’t want kids. How come? Just curious. If you don’t want to respond I understand”

first message and you outright question my life plan. I don’t need to justify myself to you

“Thought I would get a response.”

only message he ever sent…

“well I must say you are absolutely a beautiful woman. if you like my profile and feel we have some common ground to build on I would love to talk to you. im marriage minded seeking a forever deal with a marriage minded woman who is geared to be a stay at home mom/ spoiled housewife. I hope everything is going good for you. Mark”

creeper alert

“Hi slut”

no, just no

“Hey there how are you im jj just wondering if you would like to talk and get to know each other”

here, borrow some grammar and punctuation . ? ‘ . ?

“Good morning. So tell me about your job in curious”

So grammar, syntax, punctuation, and spelling are important to me. Same with treating me with respect which includes not questioning my life choices or pushing me to adopt your view on life. You want kids and I don’t? Ok. Don’t bother messaging me. Simple as that. Also please write something that has a response.

There are more examples than those shown, I just got sick of going through them.