hard mode: unlocked

The yoga challenge went so well last time (*cough*) that clearly this time around hard mode had to be activated. Watch as I achieve what can only be called yoga master status and don’t fall at all or fail at any of the poses…

Don’t forget to subscribe while you are there and share the video with a friend 🙂

#withcaptions as always

holidays

Holidays are hard for a lot of people. Myself included. I haven’t gotten there yet on the tales of loss series but I don’t really have family that I communicate with. I have my brother, sister in law, and nieces. That is pretty much it. Some of my aunts and uncles will occasionally talk to me on facebook or send a card. There has been a rift that I will explain later but it makes it so that I cannot see any family that I do talk to on holidays. I am alone.

It is really difficult at Christmas.

I have friends and I try to hang out with them when possible (I have made this work the past few years). I try. It isn’t the same.

How do I deal with this? I overcompensate. A lot.

I send gifts to the four family members I talk to, a lot of gifts. I try really hard to make them things that they would enjoy.

I send Christmas cards to as many people as want them (only about 12 this year) and include messages in each. I don’t do a form letter. I hate those.

I purchase gifts for myself and wrap them and place them under my tree. I wait until Christmas morning to open them. That way I know I will have something to open. I fill my stocking.

I make over 1,000 cookies and mail them to friends. I box them up and go on a massive delivery run dressed as Santa and try not to get caught. To date, no one has spotted me. Knock on wood.

I have dinners for friends and invite them over. Some come, some don’t.

I hope that Santa is finally real to grant me the one thing I want for Christmas – a family that isn’t abusive, loves me, and will share the day with me. One that I can count on always being there in the future.

There are spreadsheets (yes, multiple) that organize all these efforts. It costs a lot of $$ and a lot of time. But it makes me feel somewhat like I am doing something over the holidays. I try to fill my time so I don’t feel the void.

Holidays are hard. I feel your pain.