birthday tarot reading

What better way to celebrate my birthday tomorrow (June 28th) than with a tarot card reading? You’ll never guess what it says. Check out the video and don’t forget to subscribe while you are there and leave a comment. Also the best b-day gift is to share my channel or video. #withcaptions as always.


weekend plans

My amazing weekend plans:

  • craft store and Target
  • filming at least 6 videos (5 on Friday, 1 some other day) for my channel (yes this is a link, go catch up on the vids)
  • getting my gutter fixed, half fell down during a storm, but the reason was that they used the wrong nails when putting it up and my friend’s bf is going to hammer it up quick so it could be way worse
  • cleaning my house
  • taking at least 2 if not 3 or more fitness classes
  • editing, thumbnailing (it is a word now, deal with it), subtitling videos
  • starting my for now secret but soon to be announced project
  • gardening

Yeah, I am a busy person. And yes most of the above involves working / jobs. But they are jobs I enjoy so they don’t feel like work. I know that is so cliche to say.

something changed – cue internet freakout

No one likes change and the internet gets this mob mentality and it can go so over the top (remember when Instagram changed their icon?) but this time, I get the unrest.

If you haven’t heard, it appears that there has been a change in YouTube as far as advertising. I am going to write this from the level of you don’t know anything about how creators get paid and the background processes involved. Feel free to skim ahead past what you know.

Creators can make money off of YouTube in several different ways that do not really involve YouTube, like sponsorships and merchandise, but also make money directly from YouTube through a share in the ad revenue. Whenever you see an ad in the beginning of a video or off to the side, that creator is sharing in that profit (fyi they don’t get much). If you skip the ad or have an ad blocker, they get nothing. If it is a smaller channel, the only revenue they are directly receiving when you watch a video is from the ads.

YouTube has an amazing ability to control this on many different levels. You might be amazed how much you are steered by their algorithms. Chad Wild Clay did a great job explaining these algorithms and how they relate to view counts, so I suggest watching that video for more information. And that video is subtitled by the way.

So you are already somewhat restrained on how much your video will most likely make. And having an algorithm makes sense to show people what they would want to see; however, it completely cuts out the little guy. So if you are starting, good luck.

You can also add a button to your channel page to allow for donations or set up something like a Patreon. I don’t really know how I feel about that or how others do and how well they do but more on that later.

So last night or maybe a few days ago, YouTube started removing the monitization from some big creators on some of their videos. They are doing so for very vague reasons and calling them not “advertiser friendly.” Some of these include (and this is from their website, although I couldn’t find this and saw it posted by Philip DeFranco:

  • sexually suggestive content including partial nudity and sexual humor
  • violence, including display of serious injury and events related to violent extremism
  • inappropriate language, including harassment, swearing, and vulgar language
  • promotion of drugs and regulated substances, including selling, use, and abuse of such items
  • controversial or sensitive subjects, even if graphic imagery is not shown

Ok so Philip DeFranco posted this video yesterday talking about it as 20 of his videos have been demonitized. Sorry, that video is not subtitled. I do a lot of subtitling for that channel but for some reason this one wasn’t open to that and does not have the autocaptions either. But if you find him on Facebook, it is.

This is hitting all different channels and there have been posts of people who are being demonitized for things like talking about depression.

How are the gamers going to deal with this?

How am I? I swear. A lot.

I am really nervous and this seems to be out of nowhere although the statement so far from YouTube seems to be this was always in place and we are just notifying you better now.

To me, it seems that “advertiser friendly” should be anything with views. Ads are targeted (you seriously lose at least half of your earnings if you turn off targeted ads) so it seems that everything would really self-regulate. More views = more ads seen = more clicks = more potential revenue. That just makes sense to me but this is YouTube and the internet and business so they can do what they want.

I have been kind of out of it since this happened. I am afraid that the algorithms that already push me down to nothing are going to be even worse now because I call my hot glue gun “bitchface” and have a series called “calling you out on your bullshit.” Not to mention the other filth that I spew. But if people are effectively being forced to remain silent (as they are no longer receiving their income) and fit in these boxes over the littlest things, what is going to happen to me? To other creators? To YouTube?


I have thought long and hard about this. I refuse to censor myself. I swear in daily life all the time. Why would I be a different person online? I refuse to be that fake and to fit their molds for me. If I lose monitization, ok. I am not at the level where I am really making much of anything on YouTube anyway, although that is where I would like to head towards (and really the subtitling thing but that is another post). I fear that it will hold me back but I refuse to stop. I love doing this. My purpose in YouTube is to bring entertainment to people and also serve as a creative outlet for myself. I will keep doing this as long as I can.

On that note, I have decided to add “fan funding” to my channel, as much as I hate that term. I am not going to promote this all over the place, but it is there. I am not going to ask people to do a thing about it. Whatever happens with that, happens with that.

And if you want to check my channel out you can do so here. All videos are subtitled.

Total side note, just got my first major hate comment, so there’s that:

9-1-2016 12-14-38 PM

why can’t I live in my daydream?

In my daydreams everything is wonderful. Well, not everything, because I am still somewhat realistic. But the goals, they are there or at least within reach.

I still work 4 jobs but they are the 4 I love. I still craft, I still teach, I still do YouTube but I don’t work my main job. No. Instead I subtitle on YouTube. And get paid more than I do now so it isn’t as excessively important that I work extra on the other 3 jobs. And I can work from home or wherever, including on trips. It is the life I want.

I see friends. Not like now. The loneliness doesn’t seem so terrible.

I still never pay off my student loans because I am realistic.

But I am happy.

Not like now.

Why can’t I live my life there? Why can’t I make this a reality? It is what I am working towards but I don’t know if I am going the right direction or not. How do I proceed to make a job where there is none?

where my brain is right now

I am really not in the best place in life. I know it could be a lot worse and has been in the past, but I am still not right. Maybe I need a vacation.

I have a very short temper at the moment and I am finding it very hard to keep up everything that I do. I work so much and my main job is just not fulfilling me in the way it has in the past and the way I would like it to. There is so much anger there and red tape and uncertainty. I don’t know. It just doesn’t feel right anymore.

I love my second job of teaching PiYo but I am starting to get a little frustrated at little things and I really think it is partially that I haven’t been sleeping. My classes are getting smaller and I don’t know what is going on. It might just be the summer slump but it is hard to push through. And I rely so much on this income that I fear them getting cancelled. I have no weekend classes in September so that is also a financial set back. I just have to focus ahead on the other subbing opportunities I know will appear in the fall and winter.

I find it hard to be motivated in general. Hard to get out of bed. Hard to take care of my house (it is so messy and there is fur everywhere, it is really bad). Hard to get my knitting done and work on videos. I am trying to keep going but I keep sinking.

Something has to give.

I want to be able to redefine my time, make it mine, make it work again.

I love teaching, I love making videos (although the views have gone down and that hate comment from a few weeks ago is still my most recent one so I see it every day and I am really hoping to get past this), I love crafting, I know this. I just have to push through this funk I can’t seem to get out of.

I do so much for others that I think it is getting at me that those favors aren’t returned. I am lonely and exhausted and stuck. Yet I am going to make a 36 hour trip to go to a wedding of a dear friend in a few weeks which means 24 of those hours will be in a car. I want to go but I also don’t want to deal with the trip.

I know I do this to myself.

Maybe someday I can live my dream and work for myself teaching, crafting, subtitling, and making videos. Or maybe I will never be so lucky and will spend the rest of my life working a main job in the corporate world that sucks my soul dry. Maybe I can get back to a place mentally where I can live with that and work my other 3 jobs to compensate for the lack of pay and lack of love.

I never thought this would be my life.

weekend thoughts

Sometimes I have an objectively productive weekend, but I still feel like I didn’t do enough and should have done more.

I can’t tell how productive I was. I feel like I should have done more and spent time goofing off. You decide.

What I did:
mowed the front and back yards
took out the trash and recycling
washed the basement floor in the corner where water had gotten to the boxes, including getting all the cardboard pieces that were stuck up and bleaching where the mold was
organized all the boxes I keep for shipping and managed to get them condensed and stored under the steps
organized my closet in my kitchen including bringing the food extras to the basement where I now have shelves for that
hammered in one of those Ikea plastic things that I think are meant for plastic bags onto the wall in that closet to use to hold all my wrapping paper


made and canned 8 pints of tomato sauce, labeled them, put them away, and cleaned up the canner and pots
figured out what I am canning this year, when, and what I need to get
one load of laundry and put it away
gym Saturday morning
took out a bunch of the garbage boxes from the basement, not all since there wasn’t a lot of space in the dumpsters and I was feeling lazy
ran the dishwasher and emptied it
picked up my guest room
went to Starbucks to use the internet and captioned 3 videos (not mine, youtubers who open them to public captioning, read my side note on this below)
wrote out my to do list for next week
random non-productive things like posting online and on social media and watching tv and DVDs

Side note on captions – this takes a long time to do when it isn’t you speaking. I find my own videos easier to caption, partially due to how familiar I am with my own speech patterns and partially due to listening to the audio so frequently as I edit. Also, it is always just me talking. Delineating between multiple speakers takes longer, particularly when they talk at the same time which happens frequently with gaming videos. There is also the sound issue with these videos of not always being the most clear since there are sometimes 4 audio sources being layered in the videos. It makes it harder to hear each word exactly right which is needed when captioning.

But I enjoy doing this and I think it is important to caption and not use the auto captions. The auto captions can be quite terrible. There is no reason for YouTube to not be inclusive to people who are hard of hearing or deaf. But it did take me almost 5 hours to caption 3 videos today. It was about a half hour of total captions and one was a gaming video with 4 people.

I get very into this as well. When I caption, I want to be perfect or as close to perfect as possible. I get offended by those who don’t care.

For those who don’t know, the YouTube process for community subtitles is a multi step one. The creator opens subtitling. Then you can enter subtitles. It isn’t the same interface as a creator has and actually is a little more difficult as you set the timings at the same time as typing (the creator version has a way to enter them all at once and then automatically set timings). You can stop whenever you want. A window will pop up when you click submit that allows you to say if the subtitles are all done and ready for review or if they still need editing. You can also select to allow yourself to be credited or not. A lot of people screw this step up. If there are more sections to caption, you must click no it still needs work. Otherwise it goes to the next step. The community can review. Once it is marked ready, someone else checks it and then selects if it is ready to be published or if it needs work or should just be completely rejected if someone just typed spam or offensive content. I don’t know how many review or where the creator comes into this. Then it is published which can take a few hours.

So now that you know a little of how it works, you might see the problems like I do. I have seen a lot of things that flat out upset me. People who type the first 2 minutes really close to right (I have yet to see anyone get everything right) and then write something like hi mom. And I don’t know if people are as anal as I am about reviewing. I catch all these and reject them. Then I fix them and submit them again. But anyone could just hit publish in a review and not read it. And people are so off sometimes! I triple check everything and some clearly don’t. Also, this system relies on people not getting bored or jaded and multiple people touching everything. And someone could change my words that are correct. Or leave errors.

So herein lies the dilemma. The auto captions are terrible. This system is flawed but better in some ways and worse in others depending on who is typing. But this is all free. So how do you change it and how do you convince people that it needs to be changed and maybe that they should pay?

I have some ideas as to how it could be different:

1. YouTube could make a way for creators to select people to caption for them and then allow them access to their videos early (if they cue them up to publish at a specific time) and leave it up to them to figure out finances

2. similar to above, YouTube could help link up typists with creators. Maybe have a test or application process. Then maybe have a rating system. Leave it up to them to deal with finances

3. YouTube could have a test or some form of application process and then define an approved captioner. Creators could then select to use this service instead of having it be for everyone to caption. Then they know that they will have accurate titles. Then these approved captioners could have a screen letting them know which are available to subtitle for pay, it would most likely be similar to the current suggested videos screen. Maybe this has a reviewer too, maybe not. Then it could be set up to either be a fee per minute of video length or a percentage of the video proceeds or whatever is decided. YouTube maybe takes a cut, maybe not, but we all know how business works. YouTube then transfers the funds from the creator’s YouTube account to the subtitler’s. Once more there could be a rating system and those not making the grade could be put on probation and maybe not allowed to caption again. Maybe creators could decide if they want people with a certain rating to do their subtitling or pick certain favorites to do it and maybe that would be a different pay or maybe that is overcomplicating things.

Anyway with any of these there could still be the same system in place and these just added. Just a thought. I don’t know if anyone would care to change this or if this is just me. But I would gladly subtitle all day and make my videos and craft and teach PiYo and not have my standard day job if I could get paid for captioning. That isn’t the only reason for wanting to change this by the way. I really do believe that we should be as inclusive as possible and there is no reason for YouTube to be worse than cable TV in this respect.

working on borrowed time update

Read the first post here.

The rumors have been addressed.

You will not be losing your jobsĀ this year.

There was a strong emphasis on ‘this year.’ Jan 1 is not this year. Is it Jan 1? When? And why did it take so long to say anything?

Head of the department “retired” with one hour notice during the middle of the payout. Because that is believable.

No one is addressing it.

Big bosses are coming over for two weeks from the UK starting next week. One is the entire reason that the company has done any finance outsourcing. She is completely blind to the issues and to the people and really couldn’t give two craps as long as she gets her fat bonus pay. I think my feelings on her are known.

There are rumors.

Now the rumors are that 5 of us were going to be outsourced and they pulled back on that because the employee survey (company wide) was absolute shit. Less than 30% of the company has trust in the upper management. No one is happy. Over half are actively looking for new employment. So they gave us a half day off and a pizza. Now do you feel appreciated? No.

They are apparently coming partially to mend fences. The open position is going to be filled after 6 months of no one. I am not fooled. That doesn’t mean crap.

The job I was mistakenly passed over for so that they could hire someone externally with no experience is going to be vacant soon. He is leaving. I have to do his work until they open the position and then re interview for it. And I can interview again. No guarantees. No extra pay when I now have to do the work of 6 people.

Do I feel appreciated? No.

I’d better get this job.

5 gone. That is the rumor. 5. There aren’t a lot of us.

There are rumors.

It will be terrible. There will be law suits. I will lose my house. I don’t know when. I don’t know who. I don’t know how many. I don’t know how much notice I will get.

You will not be losing your jobĀ this year.