why I constantly promote

I realize this blog has become almost 100% promotion of my youtube. This is for a few reasons. Some I won’t bother to go into that involve some jerks who don’t deserve the effort. But really, I just want people to see my videos.

I want to hit 100 subscribers. I want the short channel name. Ideally by my birthday on the 28th although that most likely won’t happen.


It isn’t a monetary thing.

It isn’t a fame thing.

I’m funny. I crack myself up. I love the content I make and I enjoy consuming it. I can’t be alone.

I want to spread this. I want to spread joy and laughter and reprieve from the daily dredge that life can be. I want to be a friend, a reprieve, someone you can go to and see when you want or need. Someone like all those youtubers who are there for me that I’ve never met.

I’m funny. I bet you think so too.

Plus I put a ton of effort and time into this. I love it and I just want people to be exposed to it too and hopefully enjoy the content as well.

So now I beg the internet, help me grow. I’m stuck as to what to do. Watch my videos, subscribe if you like them or to support, leave comments, and if nothing else, share my channel or my videos. Or even interact with me on social media.

Much love to all and happy father’s day to everyone out there and also love and support to those who have a hard time with this day.


why I’m crying

I cry a lot. It is NOT weakness. Sometimes I am sad, sometimes I am not. Do NOT tell me that I shouldn’t cry. That is your own repressive attitude and I refuse to play your image of how I should live.

Reasons I cry:

  • I am sad  – I don’t think I need to explain this, I think people get that
  • someone around me cries
    • to paraphrase Steel Magnolias – no one cries alone in my presence
    • I actually do feel your feelings, I put myself in your shoes maybe too much, and I emote accordingly
  • sad tv / movies / commercials
    • related to above, I just feel it
  • when something reminds me of my deceased father – that is a wound that will never heal
  • when I get frustrated
    • yep, frustration tears
    • this can be if I am not being heard or listened to or if I am doing something wrong or if things aren’t working right, anything really
    • my emotions bubble over into tears
  • when I have allergies or when I am sick
    • sinuses, right? Usually it is just one eye
  • when I cough or sneeze too hard – see above
  • when I hurt myself
    • sometimes, not always, depends
    • typically accompanied by expletives
  • when I am angry
    • similar to frustrated, emotions bubble over
  • when someone yells at me or raises their voice at me
    • pretty much any time
    • I have been abused. I think it relates to that. I just can’t take it and it doesn’t matter what the context, expect tears
  • when I do something stupid
    • similar to frustration, I am frustrated with myself
  • when I try my best and it just isn’t enough
  • when I think about anything that makes me cry
  • right now as I write this list
  • recalling anything that I have cried about in the past
  • injustice
  • heartbreak
  • being misunderstood
  • when I am overwhelmed
  • when I am overworked
  • not sleeping
  • when I think about the future and realize I will never be out of debt and am always on the edge of losing everything
  • when I am lonely
  • if something hurts someone I love
  • sometimes when I am scared
  • when I lose – not everything, not every time, but when it is something that I really want and I lose, yeah
  • when I fail
  • when I miss people
  • when I leave people behind
  • when I visit and then have to go home
  • when I need a cry
  • whenever I feel it

So I cry. There is no shame in that. Don’t make me live in your box, I don’t fit.