I suck at this

Seriously, I suck at this and shouldn’t ever be left alone / to my own devices. Watch the video for why. Don’t forget to share with a friend (or non-friend, sharing is caring) and subscribe while you are there. #withcaptions as always.

tales of loss – episode 3 – 2 neighbors, 1 friend, 1 dating partner, and my home

This is episode 3 of the depressing series. Episode 1 (childhood best friends) and episode 2 (grandfather) are linked. I am not doing these in any order other than when I feel like getting to them. There will be more at some point but I don’t want to do them all at once and turn this from a random blog into a depressing as all hell blog.

Anyway…

You can see from the title, I lost a lot all in one incident.

I need to preface this with some back story. I was really depressed after the worst break up (future episode) and some family issues (another future episode). I started hanging out with friends again and reconnected with someone, lets just call her Karen. Totally not her name. She was going to be moving out of living with her father and sister and needed a place to stay. Judging comment about someone in her late 20’s being supported financially by her father both in that location and in the new one despite having a full time job removed. The apartment above mine was going to be free. She moved in.

Move in day she met the neighbor. Lets just call him Ken. Totally not his name.

Karen and I hang out daily and have an open door policy between our apartments (it is a duplex, we left interior doors open) and everything was great for a few months. We ate dinner together, worked out together, watched movies, etc.

Ken starts coming around both of us and Karen goes on and on and on and on (you get the point) about how she doesn’t like Ken like that and doesn’t want him to get the wrong idea. Over and over. She asks me to step in. To stop him from trying to date her. She is very adamant about this. FORESHADOWING

So we all hang out together. I help her pick out outfits to show she isn’t interested. We eat together and become friends. All is well.

Ken starts hitting on me. At this point, I am a broken shadow of my former and current self (details will come on that in another episode) and I went along with it. I wasn’t really thrilled but I wasn’t in a place to make decisions really. We hung out. We fooled around. He left me flowers on my door step. I growled at them (he didn’t know that). It went south. I wanted to try something, he didn’t. He got mad that I apparently texted him once not that long after he got home. I wasn’t even home that day, he knew that. Sorry I have bad timing…

Throughout this there are days that Karen has her door locked. She claims it is from nightmares.

I can read people. I know situations. Karen and Ken start hanging out more and more. I talk to her and ask her not to sleep with him. She tells me they aren’t together, haven’t been, aren’t physical, not like that, etc. This goes on. I bring it up over and over. Always the same response. She promises me to tell me if anything physical ever happens when it does.

Fine.

One day I go to talk to her and she flips out at me. We end up having a screaming fight about something unrelated. She calls me a liar. I don’t want to get into what this was about but rest assured, I was not the liar. She threatens my life. I left. Got in my car and started driving. Ended up going to a friends house and things got weird there which is a completely different story that probably won’t be told on this blog.

After the weekend, I decide to be the bigger person. I text her. She apologizes. We agree to talk.

That night I go up to talk to her and Karen is sitting with Ken. Tells me they are dating and have been and are getting serious. I tell them that this conversation is not for now and that we need to talk about what she said. I won’t get into the fight.

I leave her place. Lock the door.

She leaves me a terrible note saying all sorts of lies at me and telling me to get help. According to her I had an eating disorder (not true), lied about the thing we fought about (not true), and was taking too long to get over my break up (at this point it had been 6 months, she was 2 years out and still trying to work it out with her ex, I won’t get into all of that).

Once more not the point.

We all stop talking. They go off. Ken is a total 100% ass hat and jerk face whenever he sees me. Accuses me of stealing when I was cleaning out the garage that the hoarder who used to rent it used. There were 3 things in there that were hers and I had them to the side. I was hauling out things soaked in cat urine to the curb for 6 hours.

I later found out that they had been sleeping together the entire time from pretty much the day she moved in. She spread lies to my friends and told them that I had tried to steal Ken and that I knew all of this and was a terrible person. Also spread her lies included in her note.

I lost my upstairs neighbor, next door neighbor, a good friend, the guy I was kinda seeing, and the security in my home.

I regret befriending Karen. I think this was all a giant plot of hers, just not quite sure what for.

what it is really like to date a musician

It seems like a glamorous thing, dating a musician. I have dated 2 drummers, 1 bass player, and 1 guitarist / vocalist. Others may have different experiences, but here is my point of view.

Don’t date a musician.

The glamour? Not true.

First off, your musician, like my past 4, will not be famous. If they somehow win the lottery and make a hit, you are gone. Replaced by someone famous.

No, they don’t have fame. Maybe some people know the band but mostly only musicians will know the names of the band members. Friends and family will too. Don’t expect them to be recognized. Don’t expect preferential treatment.

They will be busy all the time. Most of them can’t afford to live on just gigs so expect them to have another job. Most likely it is something with variable hours like retail. They will never have a set schedule. Good luck finding time or organizing a household. They won’t tell you when they are working unless you get one more communicative than my exes.

You will go to a lot of gigs. A lot. There are some you will be expected to attend and you might not know until right before that this is the case. They may want you to just know based on where the gig is if you are to be there or not.

You will anger your friends. Those gigs and that variable schedule? Makes it darn hard to plan something with you. And after flaking a few times, they will stop calling you.

You will be so much more than a significant other. You will be a roadie, booking agent (yes you will help get gigs and help them get paid and probably negotiate fees), promoter, driver (they get impaired in various ways and also can’t afford to fix their broken car or even gas at times), a maid, a parent (they are basically children at times), and a comfort if any gig goes wrong or if someone else gets a part in a band or a gig. You will learn so much about musicians and gigs and instruments. Who plays in what way and why that is good or bad. How to spot it.

They will flake on you or go long periods of time without responding to your calls and texts. You can guess what they are doing. Maybe playing, maybe drinking, maybe smoking, maybe they finally realized that person in the audience was hitting on them and they are off together somewhere.

You will spend a lot of time backstage. You will enter locations for free and say “I’m with the band” a lot. But it isn’t like one of my friends wanted to do. There is no lipstick on your face. You are not dressed up. Nope. You are carrying something the band or your significant other needs. Maybe you got a call asking for their flannel shirt and you show up with 15 shirts because everything they own is flannel. Then maybe you are helping them change backstage because they can’t do it themselves for some reason (remember I said they are children?) or don’t want to. Maybe you are bringing backup equipment or are just there to watch. But backstage you go.

And when they finally leave you, your support system is not really there. You became part of the band and part of their family and pissed off your friends by flaking on them or forcing them to listen to music you might have hated too. Then you are alone and broken.

Don’t date a musician.

not exactly thrilled

I am being set up today and I’m really not all that happy about it nor do I wish to participate.

I have been single for a while and I am not opposed to dating in theory but I am not super for it either. I am not completely over my ex (I know, I know) and I also don’t want to deal with the pain of another relationship ending. Or really the pain of it working.

But that is only a small part of why I don’t want to do this today. There are several other reasons.

1. I will not be able to leave. This is a concert with my friend who is singing and setting me up and it is an hour away so we are carpooling. Therefore I am stuck.

2. He knows about this. Originally when I agreed it was to just go to the concert and Brittney said to scope him out and not have it be a thing because all he knew is she mentioned she might have someone for him a month ago. But then she goes and texts him and sends him a picture of me. So now it is a thing.

3. She sent an unrealistic picture. Full makeup, hair straightened and then curled with a flat iron for more dimension, and 2 years old. Not like I can’t look like that, but makeup is a rarity and that hairstyle is only for special occasions or if I am really bored.

4. He is a musician.

5. I know nothing about him and he knows nothing about me which would be better if this wasn’t a thing.

6. All I have seen is a picture and I’m not swayed. But now that it is a thing he might think I am.

7. I did some minor facebook stalking and he is listed as in a relationship. And recently posted a pic with her. He also responded to a comment made by her father that he is looking forward to meeting him (the dad). So yeah. Why is this a thing? Brittney said that the girl made it facebook official after 2 dates and I would be told the whole story. But no matter what, he did agree to it and respond and post things with her. So she clearly thinks they are exclusive and committed. It is just rude to her. I have been cheated on and left for someone else and I will not be the other woman.

So all those reasons plus internal head stuff makes me want to cancel. I wasn’t even that thrilled when it wasn’t a thing and I hadn’t checked facebook.