why I’m crying

I cry a lot. It is NOT weakness. Sometimes I am sad, sometimes I am not. Do NOT tell me that I shouldn’t cry. That is your own repressive attitude and I refuse to play your image of how I should live.

Reasons I cry:

  • I am sad  – I don’t think I need to explain this, I think people get that
  • someone around me cries
    • to paraphrase Steel Magnolias – no one cries alone in my presence
    • I actually do feel your feelings, I put myself in your shoes maybe too much, and I emote accordingly
  • sad tv / movies / commercials
    • related to above, I just feel it
  • when something reminds me of my deceased father – that is a wound that will never heal
  • when I get frustrated
    • yep, frustration tears
    • this can be if I am not being heard or listened to or if I am doing something wrong or if things aren’t working right, anything really
    • my emotions bubble over into tears
  • when I have allergies or when I am sick
    • sinuses, right? Usually it is just one eye
  • when I cough or sneeze too hard – see above
  • when I hurt myself
    • sometimes, not always, depends
    • typically accompanied by expletives
  • when I am angry
    • similar to frustrated, emotions bubble over
  • when someone yells at me or raises their voice at me
    • pretty much any time
    • I have been abused. I think it relates to that. I just can’t take it and it doesn’t matter what the context, expect tears
  • when I do something stupid
    • similar to frustration, I am frustrated with myself
  • when I try my best and it just isn’t enough
  • when I think about anything that makes me cry
  • right now as I write this list
  • recalling anything that I have cried about in the past
  • injustice
  • heartbreak
  • being misunderstood
  • when I am overwhelmed
  • when I am overworked
  • not sleeping
  • when I think about the future and realize I will never be out of debt and am always on the edge of losing everything
  • when I am lonely
  • if something hurts someone I love
  • sometimes when I am scared
  • when I lose – not everything, not every time, but when it is something that I really want and I lose, yeah
  • when I fail
  • when I miss people
  • when I leave people behind
  • when I visit and then have to go home
  • when I need a cry
  • whenever I feel it

So I cry. There is no shame in that. Don’t make me live in your box, I don’t fit.

 

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