Get ready for it, there are going to be several depressing and/or upset posts in the next few days or weeks or however long it takes me to write them. I will intersperse them with fitness challenge updates as there are still two weeks left and potentially other random blurbs. But this is the beginning. If you want happy things, go over to my other blog.
How did I get here?
Well that is a loaded question. Briefly I went to college thinking that I would be pre-med majoring in mathematics and eventually become an acupuncturist. That dream went away freshman year as I was knee deep in weed out classes and graduate level mathematics (seriously, who let me take that course load first semester) all the while rowing and attempting to have a social life in the time before facebook and cell phones. Yes I am old. But both of those changed at the end of my freshman year so not that old.
I switched paths to a degree in Women and Gender Studies which was a great choice and left me with no career path. Stuck and still under extreme pressure and control of my mother (long story, not about to go into it), I went to grad school for Occupational Therapy despite having no real desire to be in the profession. She pretty much made me.
I graduated, passed my boards, and thought I could suffer through it. I would go to work during the day and then have a social life and I would make money and it would be fine. It wasn’t. That job nearly sucked all the life out of me.
So I quit. I quit to nothing. Nothing at all. And it was one of the best decisions I have ever made.
Three months later I was almost out of money and went to a temp agency where I was set up at my current place of employment. I was a temp to index and later scan contracts. They hired me on several years later (yes you read that right, years) and then a little over a year and a half ago I got promoted.
So why am I upset?
I was up for another promotion and I didn’t get it. They decided to hire from outside the company instead.
Why did I think I could get it?
I was named one of the people to watch in the company by multiple managers and I am supposed to be in a mentorship program to foster my development within the company. Nothing has come of that in the almost year since I got that email. Positions do not open frequently in this department.
Also, I am by far the most productive worker they have.
I do many special projects and I have been included on multiple acquisitions and other things. I can’t go into detail, but I am kind of a big deal here.
I am smart. I don’t want to brag, but I am. I am the smartest person in this department. They all know that. I don’t shove it down anyone’s throat, but I am.
So why didn’t I get it?
They told me I haven’t been here long enough. I need more time in the position. Cause the person from outside the company who has no experience with any of our systems at all has more experience?
They do what they want to do.
I am supposed to continue doing what I am doing and I will get there. I have to talk more in our monthly meetings (that is BS, there is never an opportunity to do so and I do talk quite a bit outside of those meetings and during other larger meetings). Then my boss tells me that she will be retiring in 4 years.
I told her that I can’t be this level for more than 4 years and stay with the company. I just can’t be stagnant like that. I can’t be somewhere where there isn’t growth potential. And I need the raise. We get paid nothing. I work 3 different jobs for 4 total people. I can’t live like this forever.
I am in a massive amount of debt that I will never pay off thanks to school loans. And I will have to deal with the downside of the IBR plan where they tax you for the remaining balance at the end because they consider it a gift. Fuck all politicians everywhere. Overcharging me for an education I don’t even use because you don’t offer financial aid to grad school and for some reason charge the crap out of students and force them into interest rates that can’t be lowered and are at 10.5% is setting them up to fail.
I feel like a failure in so many ways.